I created a space for myself.
A porch attached to the house
that was screened in
and simple
and quiet
and lovely.
My zen porch.
My then husband felt
left out
as there was just
one
rocking chair
on the porch.
One day
my daughter and I
built two
brand new
rocking chairs
so that he would
know
that he was
welcome.
He sat in that chair
from time
to time
over the
years.
So then I had a space
that was ours
in which I sat
alone
and with the offer
of company
always
present.
When someone
else
took that chair,
my then husband
told me
there was not
enough
seating on
the porch
and
that if one child
was sitting
out there,
there had to be
enough
spaces for all
the children
to sit
out there.
It was also
hinted
that his chair
was to remain
his
own.
So then I had a space
that was filled
with anxiety
where everyone was
welcome
and where I was
afraid
to go.
And
when he moved
out
I had a space for myself
and for
whoever wanted
to visit.
It was very short-lived
as the porch
was then
used
for leaving the home
and
for hiding
secrets.
I did not have a space anymore.
And so I created a space for myself
on the front porch
with hammock chairs
that swung
this way
and that.
It was a wonderful place
to be
and where my children
came
and went
and I watched
cats hunt
and neighbors come home
and sunsets calm
and rain storms
also calm.
I just missed my old space
that I created for myself
originally and
organically.
After enough time
had passed,
after I learned
to let go
and
to let be
I created a space for myself
on my side porch
again.
I built new chairs
for me to sit on
and
to rock on
and
whomever else stopped by
could sit
and
rock, too.
I built plant stands
to hold all of my plants
and my students’ plants
where I could
care for them
during the summer.
I put up new
lights
and I breathed new
air
and the cats
were happy
to be here
as they were
before.
I have one more year
on this porch.
And.
I have created
the space in
myself
for
myself
and I will take that
with me
wherever
I go.
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