Beauty in 5 minutes

I was just drying off from my shower. Naked. Glancing at myself in the mirror. Hearing the familiar voice start up in my head about what I am not doing or what I am over doing. Or it may have been the lament of "Time" this go round. How years, gravity, and wear and tear...

Ev, my 8 year old, walks in. 
I was surprised and caught in the headlights. 
White blinding light of: Now what? Cover up? Stand, revealed? A mix of the two maybe with a dangled towel here and there? 
She was just looking in my eyes at first, talking to me. Then her eyes started roving. She stared at my belly button region that raged a war, time and again. Her hand went to her own extremely tight and etched gymnast abdomen. My hand went to mine.
"This is where you guys lived, nice and cozy."
She giggled.
"You are soft." was her reply.
"In some ways. But that is good for a hug. In other ways I am hard." and I mocked yelled at her, reminding her of how tough I can be. Breaking the intensity with a laugh as always.
Unabashedly she kept looking and I went about my getting ready.
"If you are too muscley- your hugs wouldn't be good." she decided.
"Well, a hug has all that love to help keep it soft, too."
"Yeah".
My thighs were wiggling into pants. She watched.
I gathered all the back flesh I could into the front of my bra with what remains of my breasts. She watched.
"Why do you even wear that?"
"It gives me some shape up top. Most people wear them to support their breasts."
"Why bother wearing it at all? For you? I wouldn't bother."
"Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do."
She kept standing there. I was basically clothed, but my openness and vulnerability, even with my own child, had reached it's max. 
I asked why she didn't run along and play. 
She shrugged. 
I didn't know how to end the scene. I don't know why I thought it needed an ending other than my discomfort and feeling of being on a very vulnerable limb of exposure, openness, and responsibility to show myself as a real body with no shame or disparaging remarks, all the while not putting down a body toned, tight, and different than my own. No doubt the body she will have.
So, I just said, "And that is me getting dressed."
And she said, "You are beautiful."
She left happy. 
I was left winded.

What's Isn't Wrong?

I glanced in a mirror yesterday and made a face unintentionally, unkindly, at my reflection. I then fixed my hair.
My middle child, catching this, barked at me,
"You always do that when you look in a mirror. Stop fixing stuff. You're fine. Just see that you're fine!"
(She has always been my mentor.)
I made a promise to myself that I would do just that... which lasted until the next mirror/facetime/snapchat/surprise selfie mode when opening my camera.

This morning I was listening to my first dharma talk of the new year which fell in line with my struggle in some capacity. It certainly gave me a mantra that is useful for many with whom I work and love:

What
Isn't
Wrong

So simple and so arresting.
I shared it with my mindful co-workers as they share the job of guiding a group of children who mainly see what is stacked against them every day.

My middle child was on the floor in the tame throes of some tame injustice this morning when I asked her,
"Evie, what's not wrong?"
Her body became still and her head whipped around towards me. She responded,
"What's NOT wrong?"
"Yes."
"Ummmm...I know where the cats are now and my blanket is very fluffy."
"Hm. Nice."

She lay there a few minutes more, and then got up and made herself comfy on her favorite couch.

I can't promise myself that I won't stop fixing things when caught in a mirror. I can only ask myself to be kind to myself. I am not naive enough to think that this question will always be helpful.

I can only remind myself that, for the most part, when one asks the question, What Isn't Wrong, the list will run longer than that of What Is Wrong. And, if you are one for lists, it is one that will bring lightness into the self, rather than the dread and dragging down of a list of things that aren't right and aren't good.

Let go of that which doesn't serve you.
Drop the hot rocks that burn.
Don't hold them to hurl or use at another time as only you continue to burn.

What's not wrong on this New Year Day?