The pandemic. Amiright???
For the last year and a half, people were going through what they were going through. Lives were changed. Loved ones were missed. For many, it happened quietly, as it was behind closed doors.
I am no different of course.
And all along I was quietly writing.
I thought I might share again.
I mean, I have been getting out and hugging my mom and kissing her sweet lil cheek. Walking in hallways teeming with children. In Target, no mask.
Why not?
This is what started my journey into the pandemic. The moment I knew that I may need to become a mother of four.
Missnested
I don’t know
at all
how to write
what I want to say
about you
about what should be
about what is unfamiliar
and what, maybe,
no one else
understands
feels
gets.
What I know is
I found you and
there was a quiet dawning.
I could see and
I could feel
that there you were
in the wrong nest
falling and flapping.
And so, at first,
I caught you as you fell.
Then, when that wasn’t enough,
I brought you to my tree.
Finally, because I knew,
I put you in my nest
and hoped
every day,
and worried
every day,
and loved
every day,
my sweet blue bird.
And this is what I wrote the night my eldest daughter and I waited for the little bird to land after a day fraught with emotion.
Waiting
We paced the driveway
Waiting for him to arrive
Phone calls explaining delays
Messages left running hot
Making my insides cold
Just wanting him here
He arrived in a nondescript car
Driven by an apologetic man
And assisted by a forgettable someone
He arrived with ripped garbage bags
And a torn old hamper
And exhaustion
And shame
And sadness
And illness
And loss
And confusion
Without a word
Down the stairs
Everything dropped around his feet
Down on the bed
Every feeling dropped upon him
He fell asleep for a very, very long time.
And then he woke.
