Friday, June 23, 2017


I love thinking back to the cards I wrote my husband on our earliest anniversaries. Excitement about the life we would have, the mention of babies as they came along, the wishes for more of our dreams to come true, the declarations of undying love.


But seriously, folks- It is so sweet.
I love to see myself as a Big Eye teddy bear looking at the journey ahead and the thoughts and dreams that would lead us down the yellow brick road...
To more love and happiness?
To "making it" whatever that may be at whatever time?
To old age?

I am not sure anymore what it was since my perspective is completely different. I definitely understand now that life is the living and not the destination.

Destinations exists, I suppose, in scattered moments throughout our day- snapshots of contentment on a porch watching a cat and a hummingbird, spooning a crying child as they fall asleep needing only you, or revelations in a car ride that was all about the reaction in that moment for the rest of their life....

Other than that, destination marks an end, and I am not there yet.

In living married life now, 16 years in, 19 years deep in our relationship, I find myself summing up our partnership in his anniversary card as:

You do the research, I'll make sure there are snacks and underwear.

We are going on the biggest trip of our lives ever, and we are taking the kids to China. I am completely overwhelmed, yet this is where my husband excels. He had us download this and he ordered that and he took out all the stops and found every bell and whistle that my Scottish mindset would never allow. I completely let go of the reigns (?!) and let him lead the charge on this overwhelming and exciting vacation.

Our shopping has been very different.

He bought sim cards (sims cards? Simz?)!
I bought granola bars.
He bought face masks?!
I bought 47,000 pair of underwear for everyone.
He bought a Panda hugs for each of us!
I have flushable wipes and mini toilet paper.
Upgraded our seats where possible!
Tide-to-go pens.
He bought VPN somesuch whatitswhat?!
Grabbed some dramamine.
Goldfish crackers.

It is totally the yin and yang. How appropriate for this trip! and for our life journey.
"(陰陽 yīnyáng "dark–bright") describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another."

Living with someone and loving someone can often bring up the question of "Why can't you just..." and you fill in the blank for yourself:

get up 
do this
try that
let it go
come along
leave it
hurry up

However, there is always the flip side

lie down
be alert
do that
try this
gather it up
stay behind
slow down

Which is of equal, yet different, value.

In our day to day life, I am mostly holding the reigns and planning side by side with Rob, and our yin-yang serves us.

Me: We need to move here!
Rob: (research, paperwork, execution)
Me: This is the car!
Rob: (research, paperwork, execution)
Me: These are their presents!
Rob: OK. Add this.
Me: They are going to this camp!
Rob: But it doesn't have sailing and horseback riding.
Me: Stay out if it!
Rob: (shrugs)
Me: You are taking me out!
Rob: (turns around and gets back in the car with me)
Me: These are our new sheets!
Rob: (sleeps)
Me: Paint it this color!
Rob: (sleeps. Then paints it that color.)
Me: We are picnicing today in a new field in Somewhere, Massachusetts! 
Rob: (sleeps)
Me: (stares at him)
Rob: ( eye opens)
Me: (stares at him)
Rob: (sleeps)
Me: (unleashes children)
Rob: Get me a pepsi!

I know that when it comes to the big, overwhelming stuff,  Rob will lead the charge and make it run smoothly. And when we get there and he opens up his suitcase, hungry and needing a shower, I am going to be there holding all the undies and waiting to hand out the snacks.